Why do I think I suck?

I’m sitting at my shared desk space in a wonderful work hub in Jerusalem where “everybody knows my name.” One guy came over to ask me how the new Tmol Shilshom work hub is going – I’ve been involved in getting it off the ground. Another guy came over to tell me about this amazing music center nearby with whom they’d like to collaborate – he thought of me because he knows that I run a couple of Facebook groups about Jerusalem culture.

And meanwhile I’m working on a newsletter that needs to go out today in order to tell people about the four new endeavors I’m working on:

  1. A happy hangout at Hashchena tonight
  2. A new multilingual writers group
  3. A new group for people who are looking for coworking options in Jerusalem
  4. A panel about Jerusalem culture I’ll be moderating at Limmud Jerusalem this month

And suddenly I get so overwhelmed that I find myself thinking about how much I suck. Here are some of the thoughts going through my head:

no one is coming to my meetup tonight and i’m probably not going to do anything with the coworking group and the panel is so nerve wracking because i’ve never done anything like it before and i’ll probably never actually make the writing group happen.

I am not writing this in order for you to have the opportunity to tell me how great I am.

Please don’t do that. I am writing this so you know that if you think it’s easy for me to be doing all these new things, you’re misunderstanding big time. I’m haunted by my demons and maybe my demons remind me of yours. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism trying to protect us by preparing us for failure every step of the way.

Thanks so much, Demon.

But I’m still going to do these things. Because things are just sitting there waiting for us to do them.

Honestly. I mean, we don’t have to actualize every dream, every idea, but at least some of them are worth our time and effort. It doesn’t mean people are going to be there every step of the way patting us on the back and tell us how awesome we are but it isn’t supposed to be like that. Creating things is to a large extent a lonely endeavor and yet it’s what we need to do.

What ideas do you have of things you want to do that are relatively doable?


12 thoughts on “Why do I think I suck?

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  1. Deena , there is so much ‘doable’ stuff that I’d like to get done. But days go by and ‘life happens’. But I don’t think that you or I suck. I prefer to think of it, as not reaching my potential, yet!!!.
    When you are a person with good intentions, a good heart, and a beautiful spirit , then I don’t believe you fit into the category of someone who sucks.
    I will try to do one thing on my list of todo everyday. When I check it off my list, I will feel happy and move on to the next. Baby steps for us well meaning people who definately DON’T SUCK!

    1. Aunty, you are the first person to actually reply to my question! It’s true, we don’t REALLY suck, we just feel like we suck sometimes. :) Let me know what you check off your list today.

  2. Hi Deena, I think that if you plan so many things and know some of it will happen and some not, that’s reasonable. I’ve read somewhere a post by someone that accomplishes loads of project that most of his projects are actually a procrastination of other tasks.

  3. Deena, I totally get what you are saying. I do it as well. And sometimes, getting a pat on the back is even worse than nothing cuz, then its like you are doing something for real and people are noticing and there is an expectation ;)

  4. Thanks for this Deena, I just read an article that said anxiety comes from the feeling we lack control, so creativity and entrepreneurship = yep that’s scary.

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