I am listening to podcasts like a fiend and so I know from the voice inside my head (aka a dude on TED Radio Hour on the topic of success) that work-home balance doesn’t exist. Up for debate but that was the voice’s claim.
I’d extrapolate that to say that no balance exists. I mean, do you ever feel “balanced,” like you’re truly pleased with the amount of time and energy that is going to each aspect of your life?
No, I didn’t think so.
My problem is that there is so much I want to do (hobbies). And so much I need to do (work). And these two long, rich lists (which confusingly overlap), meet each other in a cosmic explosion, leaving me in the middle, bewildered, confused and frustrated.
I am the first to say that this is a “rich man’s problem,” as they say in Hebrew. But, as others wisely point out, “rich man problems are still problems.”
Both the work stuff – my client work – and the hobby stuff – my cultural events and cultural event calendar – I love. By love I clearly mean love-hate but in my life that’s the same thing – maybe more on that another time. And so I almost always feel torn; when I focus on one, I miss the other. Or I feel guilty for not working on the other. (We’re ignoring gross bureaucratic-like tasks for now.)
And when I say to myself, “OK Deena, enough. This is ridiculous. Pick one of your projects to put on hold for a while,” I just can’t get myself to do it.
The hypocrisy in this is, of course, that I don’t even believe in this ultra-busy lifestyle. Putting busy-ness on a pedestal as is done today is definitely a collectively crazy thing we’re all doing to ourselves. And yet, here I am, part of that, and unwilling to free myself.
Because I want it all.