For my besherts

Beshert = destiny or the individual you’re destined to marry

Part of me has felt very bitter over the years for having to remain single and go on so many dates.

But lately, for some reason, my heart has opened enough that I’m able to feel nostalgia about the experiences I’ve had with the guys I’ve dated, especially those I dated for longer periods of time. I’m really not sure what has changed but suddenly I’m finding myself feeling more aware of the gratefulness I feel towards the men with whom I’ve had meaningful experiences.

Although they were not my Beshert, I now see them as my besherts – those with whom I was destined to be in relationships.

The first boy I really dated… We were both so young. He was (well, still is, I’m sure), very sweet. A truly gentle soul. My feelings towards him didn’t match his towards me but I was complimented to have a good boy have such strong feelings towards me. This was the first time I had to communicate openly with someone. I remember one time writing down on paper what I wanted to say and having to partially read it off the paper because I was so scared to open up.

Sadly, I broke his heart which in turn broke mine.

Then there was the guy I dated who was the first to drill into me the importance of openness and honesty in relationships. It was exciting to start finding out that there are men out there who want as open a relationship as I dream of having.

Then there was the guy with whom I really learned to communicate. He would sit patiently while it sometimes took me hours (literally) to get out what I wanted to say. I found out later that every time I took forever to say something, he was sure I was breaking up with him. Poor guy. He had real strength of character. He was my first real and extended relationship. We were together for over a year. We did so many things together and matured a lot together. We were both committed to making it work.

The two main things I always feel gratitude towards him for are the fact that with his seemingly infinite patience, he (very slowly) taught me to become a better communicator. And the other is that he started helping me understand that I am attractive.

Then there was the more recent guy who was so good to me. He just wanted to be with me, to make me happy. He made me understand some of the important traits I need in a partner. Someone who doesn’t play games. Someone straight forward, very giving, caring, loving and affectionate. Feeling cared for was a very important experience for me.

And now I have someone new to add to the list. The last few days I’ve been thinking about the guy who just broke up with me last week. Our time together lasted less than two weeks but there was something about it that made it feel longer.

With this guy I got a glimpse into what some moments might feel like with my Beshert. I really got to experience with him those fun, exciting dates that I don’t dare hope for. The ones where you make them laugh and they make you laugh. You have good conversation and you’re proud to walk down the street with them. He also made me feel very attractive – something that apparently I am taking a very long time to learn. There were beshert qualities in our dynamics and this has made me feel like I lost something, even though it was all so quick and it probably couldn’t have worked.

It’s liberating feeling endearment towards these men. Maybe none of them were my Beshert but I must admit that they did enrich my life forever by letting me experience them.

So, dear besherts, thank you.


6 thoughts on “For my besherts

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  1. Hellooo.. I just discovered this site.. NICE! Nice reading..(as I expected!)! About being “attractive”,,funny how we see ourselves, huh? You are way too modest..But in a lovely attractive way! ;) Hugs

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