"Prioritizing"

The word prioritizing is in quotation marks because in my world this is not really what is happening. I’ll explain what I mean.

I have a list in my head (or written down somewhere) of things I need to get done. I mean specifically writing projects of different sorts. Here it is right now:

  1. Article 1 which I’ve put off for months but put in many hours already, including interviews, transcribing and writing. It feels like such a shame to never finish it. I “should” finish it already!
  2. My top secret book which I wish I’d actually work on but every time I think of it, I majorly question if there is any worth in it. I also don’t actually feel capable of doing it. I’m overwhelmed by it and scared by it.
  3. Article 2 which I’ve only put off for around one month (nothing compared to the first) and have put in less hours than the first but still “need” to finish writing it one of these days. Otherwise, what a waste!
  4. Blogging for a certain organization. Right now it’s volunteer but I LOVE the project and have high hopes for it for the future (my future). I want to give it my all and be at my best there.
  5. New articles I’m taking on (do I really want to be doing that?).
  6. My blogs which I love love love.

This list is written in the order of top to lowest priorities. I mean, what to me, at this moment (and over the last while) feels like the order. And the way I work is that if the top priority isn’t getting done, I often just do nothing instead. I procrastinate. I must subconsciously believe that I shouldn’t be working on anything if I’m not working on what is most “important.” Makes absolutely no sense, right?

Now, to make it all more beautiful (I’m joking, by the way), of course, the “top” priority is usually the most painful one for me. Notice how my true love (well, besides the book) is all the way at the bottom! I’m setting myself up for failure, correct?

I’m so aware of this. I try to get myself to work on #1, I fail. I try #2. Can’t do it. I say to myself, “Well, if you’re not working on those, at least, meanwhile, work on something else.” No can do. Those top priorities are so important! I really need to finish those articles already and I need to work on my book which is, actually, my real true love (as far as writing goes). How can I not be working on them?!

And that is the life of a true procrastinator.

Seriously, would you call that prioritizing? I’d call it maybe, “Making sure you get nothing done,” or maybe, “Make yourself feel bad many times a day.”

Haha! I’m crazy! It’s so funny writing out this totally illogical thought process here, for everyone to see. Well, now I have intercepted it and started this blog. It’s almost like I’m throwing myself a curve ball. “Oh yeah? You are procrastinating when you aren’t working on ‘top priorities’? Well now, when you’re procrastinating, you have writing that you are supposed to do instead!” And yes, it’s a “top priority.”

Nice one.

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