There is little control we have over things. But in Judaism we’re taught that we should take control wherever possible. If it’s in our control, then we’re expected to take action.
Trying to meet your beshert (soulmate) is a perfect example of this. On the one hand, there is a definite feeling of hopelessness. Whatever you do, you still don’t know when you’ll actually meet the right person. But at the same time, there are certain things we can do to up our chances and each person is “expected” to do whatever they feel they’re capable of doing, and they have strength for, in order to help the process along.
A few weeks ago I asked some people on facebook what unique steps they’ve taken in order to try to meet their intended/soulmate/beshert. I’ll share some of the answers below but I must say, that out of all the answers I got, none compared in bravery, innovation and creativity like my friend’s latest plan of action. She has decided to put her passion and talent – mainly her writing – into the equation and she has recently started a blog called “In Search of Hubby.” In it she sets out to explain what she is hoping for in her beloved.
Here are some of the other answers given on facebook:
- There are too many workshops where therapists and matchmakers tell singles what to do and not to do. There should be a symposium where the therapists are there to learn from the singles. “Tell the matchmakers what to do and what not to do, tell them about the awful dates that put you off dating forever, tell them not to pigeonhole so fast, not to be judgmental – and more.”
- I imagined who would best complement me. Would he be outgoing or more reserved? How smart? More artsy or more sciency? I was clear about my own life goals, so I knew I needed someone who shared them so we could work on achieving them together.
- read perek shira for 40 days
- Gather a list of all your single friends and daven for them with all your heart, that they should find their bashert, at a specified time every week (ie. at candlelighting). When you daven for someone else to get the very thing you want so much, Hashem answers you :).
I did a lot of mental davening (praying) on all these facets and soon had a good idea who he would probably be, though I reminded myself to be flexible. Then, I davened and davened and davened, very hopefully and happily, with complete faith that since Hashem created me, He definitely created my bashert, so it was only a matter of time and place before we could finally meet. My formula for davening was asking Hashem to send my bashert to me (because that would be easier) “immediately in the right time.” I focussed a lot on “immediately in the right time” and being very simchadik when I davened, putting all my faith (and worries) in Hashem.
Also, any mitzvot or chessed (good deeds) I did, I offered it up as a zechut for meeting him. It worked!
As you can see, there were a lot of religious-minded answers. Saying special prayers in special places, having in mind what you’re looking for, believing that God will send him to you… I don’t really connect to them though I am sure they provide a lot more peace of mind while enduring the grueling process.
Anyway, as for my friend’s blog, please check it out and pass it on! As it says, making a shidduch (setting two people up) is as difficult as splitting the sea. So lets help!