I am 30 today. Entering my fourth decade. And it makes me think about things, in case I don’t already. And today was a heart-breaking, tear-jerking day at work. A sad thing ended but, a sad thing being over is not necessarily a happy thing. It makes you think of the sad thing from the past and those of the future.
And now I’m home, in my half-furnished apartment. It is cozier than I realize. I sit on my newly received comfy chair, my feet up on another, and I look out my large living-room window, at the bare tree and the wonderful dooms-day clouds.
I’m picturing our Kabbalat Shabbat program today. We sang songs, giving thanks, drinking “wine,” smiling at each other. And also feeling sad. We of course sang Hinei Ma Tov (behold what is good) twice. “Why?” asked one of the clients. “Because I feel like it,” I answered. He laughed. “That’s the best answer.”
At lunch, before Kabbalat Shabbat, a lovely older man told me that the one language he doesn’t want to learn is Hebrew. Why? Because when he goes to synagogue the prayers are in Hebrew and he knows it says things about how God cares for us and loves us, but “If you had been at this place, you would not say that.” He is referring to a battle scene he witnessed while in the Soviet army fighting the Nazis.
Even when the sad thing ends, we don’t feel happy, even if there is relief. We feel sad because we’ll miss the good that coexisted with the bad. We’ll miss it very much and we wish it wasn’t a package deal.
Everything ends, so it seems. At least everything in this world, or everything in our experiences and lives.
Someone said today that we must appreciate every good moment that we have. How does one begin to do that?
Yeah, it’s my birthday today and it’s been a crazy day. Next year I should probably take the day off.
To finish off randomly, please watch this awesome video.