I put up two videos on facebook recently about how happiness is depressing. I took them down when people thought I was crazy.
I put up a video a couple of days later with a new song I wrote about how the holidays can make you sad because they remind you of what you don’t have.
Sigh… It’s true. I’m sorry to put a damper on things, and I hesitate doing so, but Purim being here, tonight, does make me sad. And I’m trying to figure out exactly why. Here is what I’ve come up with.
Yup. As so often is the case, it may just be about expectations. I have a picture in my head of what a really good holiday – lets say, Purim – should be like. Should consist of. And of course my Purims currently don’t fit the bill. My Purims are not what I would really want them to be. And it’s upsetting because I feel like I’m missing out.
Yes, I do want certain things in my life and I don’t have them. And that can be upsetting. But that doesn’t mean that Purim has nothing to offer even without those things. Yes, it would potentially be way more fulfilling and exciting to celebrate in the way that I picture it, but that is not how things currently are and if that is true, then, ugh, I hate to say it, but that is how it’s supposed to be.
I truly want to go out and celebrate Purim with an open and happy heart. I want to keep wishing (praying, whatever) for the things I wish for and at the same time, as much as possible, enjoy my current moments for what they are. And I truly believe that if you really want that and if you make a conscious effort, you can do it.
Goooooooooooooooooooooo Deena! And, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO READERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!