I’m Single in Vancouver

I recently regained my status as a single Jewish female in Vancouver.

For anyone familiar with the Jewish community out here, it will not seem odd that exactly following my change of status, I started considering moving back to Toronto. First thought following break-up is, “Oh no, I’m alone again.” Second thought, “Do I really believe I’ll be able to meet someone in Vancouver?”

With my life having gone into upheaval – my personal life wasn’t the only thing that took a major blow – and with no family in Vancouver, I definitely knew that it might turn out that it was time for me to leave Vancouver.

But I do love it here. I have built a really nice life for myself here and I wasn’t willing to make that decision to move while deeply entrenched in the emotional upheaval following entry into my new reality.

It is not at all uncommon for Vancouver’s Jewish singles to consider moving to Toronto in order to try to meet a Jewish partner. I hear people talking about it all the time. The funny – or sad – thing is that Torontonians are moving to New York for this purpose while New Yorkers are moving to Jerusalem and Jerusalemites are moving to New York. Is this really the solution?

As someone who lived most of her life in Toronto and Jerusalem, I prefer the smaller community out here, at least for now, and I don’t necessarily believe that I need to be in a larger community in order to meet my beshert. The fact is that I did live in Jerusalem all of my adult life until I was 26 and yet here I am, single as ever.

I still cannot help but wonder, is it even remotely possible for me to meet someone here?

Vancouver’s Jewish community is estimated at 20,000-25,000. But I have heard that as few as 6000-7000 are affiliated with one organization or another.

If we subtract all the unavailable men, all the women and anyone outside a certain age range, probably a few hundred people remain in the pool. Maybe one thousand.

Of course that’s not the end. Not every man who is single and within the age range will be suitable for me to date. Each person has their criteria. Mine, among others, include someone very traditional and, of course, I expect the guy to be very nice, smart and honest.

How many guys are left in the city for me to date now? One? Five? Is that an underestimation, I wonder?

Well, if we’re thinking positively (and of course, we always are, right?), maybe that’s not such a bad number considering that, of course, I really do only need one guy. “The one”.

I heard a story about someone who moved to a place that had only one other Jew and it actually turned out to be his beshert. For years he had lived in New York because he wanted to marry a Jew and he felt that was where he needed to be in order to meet someone. But after years of dating unsuccessfully, he’d had enough. He never liked living in NY and was only there for matchmaking purposes. So finally he decided to do what he’d always dreamt of doing. He went to a far-off place in Africa to do humanitarian work.

Of course this would extremely minimize his chances of meeting his beshert – you think JDate is sad in Vancouver, check out Zimbabwe – but he felt he’d put his life on hold long enough while waiting to meet “the one”.

He arrived at his destination and immediately met his soul mate. She was the only other Jew there and they connected on many different levels. I hear they are now married.

At this point, I am not convinced that moving is necessary, at least not for me. Instead I am making the best of the situation. I am enjoying being “free” again, socializing to my heart’s content. I also try to introduce people to each other just in case I can help facilitate other couples meeting.

And meanwhile, I really try to live my life to the fullest, doing things I want to do and always working on bettering myself so that I really feel like I’m filling my potential in this world. And I try to maintain hope that he’s out there and that the besherts for the other Jewish singles of Vancouver are out there too.

אמן כן יהי רצון :)

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