OK, you ready for this one? Put on your seatbelts because otherwise it is gonna TOTALLY blow you away.
Yes, I’m modest about my writing. :) You know what modesty is, right? It’s knowing EXACTLY what you are. So, I know exactly what I am. :)
There is something I really, really, really, really want to change about myself. Except more than 4 “really”s but I don’t want to bore you (in case you’re one of those people that actually does read all the repeated words).
So, like, really, really. Got it? But, this is something so deeply ingrained in myself that though I’ve been taking this change seriously for a good few weeks already, I keep feeling like I regress BIG-TIME. I mean, this week I just felt despair. Despair because I am unsure I’ll ever succeed in changing this or at least, I’m unsure I’ll change it in time in order to help me live life in a healthier way now.
And what does this have to do with spiders?
Two days ago I saw 4 spiders in spider webs. FYI, Vancouver can be extremely rainy. And it has been the last week or two. But two days ago was the beginning of dryer days. And there were the spiders, lots of them (I mean, not millions all over the place but definitely you saw quite a few, if you noticed them), out building their webs.
When I noticed my 4th web of the day, I decided that this was beshert and I wanted to figure out the deeper meaning behind the spiders and their webs.
They build their webs. The rain washes them away (in a second – they are so fragile!). They rebuild. The rain destroys. And so on and so on. They just keep building. Each time, they just “try” again.
I also thought about the fact that the Hebrew word for spider, עכביש, has the word, כבש, which is part of the saying, כובש את יצרו. Conquering your negative inclination. Conquering the things that destroy you, that make it difficult to live life to its fullest.
Anyway, point being that just like the spider, I just need to try over and over again, to change this thing about myself. And yes, it’s deeply ingrained, but if each specific time I focus on it and work on it, hopefully I’ll succeed in overcoming it more and more.
For those of you very analytical people, I know the analogy doesn’t work 100% but feel free to let it go. It’s a good lesson and it’s a lesson I needed.
So in conclusion, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, try and fail, TRY!!!
Another conclusion. I’m sure this is a little depressing to some of you but you know, when you try to change something that is so freakin’ hard to change, this type of thing can be hopeful. Because it’s real and true.