Arguing is a will to connect

Huh? OK, lets try to get the idea quickly and simply. You argue with someone you want to be close to because you care. You want to find a place to connect with them.

When you don’t want to connect, you don’t necessarily need to argue.

Um, is this true? I mean, sometimes you argue in order to create distance. Yes, the fact that you’re arguing with them to begin with shows some type of connection but still, I don’t totally get it. This is based on an article I read by Rabbi Stephen Baars of Aish. I love him. The article (which is a parsha article) is here.

I can see how there is logic in this within romantic relationships. Once you want to break up with someone, you don’t necessarily feel the need to argue with them. If you’re trying to make it work, you might argue more as you try to figure things out. And in marriage, if you’re constantly trying to make it work (and it take lots of work, so I hear), it is trying to make two very different people live with each other. It’ll include arguing. But in the article Baars quotes someone as saying that you can tell when you’re looking at a couple who’s been married a long time because they don’t speak.

May couples probably just sort of give up and live with the status quo of, I guess, distance and lack of any really deep connection.

Do I know what I’m talking about? Check out the article.

Shabbat Shalom!

Deena

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